Identity and Ego: A Pruning

I just concluded a day-long struggle with Jesus. Like Jacob as the Lord broke his hip, I had wrestled with God, thinking that I was okay, and that everything that caused this pain was more of the externals: whatever that other person did, whatever that other person thought, demons... I attributed the pain to everything but my own sin months ago, when I dared God, much like Bruce Almighty.

After going through half of Secrets of the Vine the audiobook... I finally realized what it was all about. Not trusting that God was doing this for my own good; not trusting that God was all-wise and almighty in how He had shaped some things in my life that I had no control over.

I know that it’s not yet perfectly over, I still hadn’t broken through to the point as in Forrest Gump when Lieutenant Dan had swam peacefully in the sea, after the storm wherein he shook his fist at God and dared Him, but I know that it’s only going to be an inch yet, and I’ll stop grasping for the things I hold onto so dearly. Partly for self-protection, and partly because of, as I said, an innate mistrust that God would level mountains for me and break clouds for me.

I am thankful that He shook me today. No wonder I was craving for Secrets of the Vine (sadly my copy is with a friend). Good thing that themannareserve.com is there; I was able to download the audiobook, at the very least. What would have taken days of reading the book itself took at least just a few hours of my night to listen to. :)

I miss God's thicker presence.. :) Thankfully it’s nearly Sunday. :) He is soo good. :)