I had been wondering why on earth I had always sought after power and glory for the longest time. I knew it was all about Pride and the search for my own significance, but nothing prepared me for the realization of what I think could be the biggest reason/source of my pride:
I dread being proven wrong.
I feel like Simon the Sorcerer (Acts 8:9-25) right now: wanting the Holy Spirit's power for how the power can be used for my own profit/glory.
Wasn't that so much like Satan? The pomp, the splendor, usurping God's throne?
Why was I on the throne in my life for the longest time? That, I will never know. All I know is that I finally realized that I had been feeding on the wrong gospel: in chasing and casting out the demons, through the knowledge, the self-importance, the hyper-awareness of my "talents," I became much like they are: jockeying for position, wanting to be important to men.
I feel like one of the old disciples: jostling for power and needing to be Jesus' darling.
I want to be close to Jesus. But it never should be this way: that I am so desperate for the power and the honor that comes with being near Him that I forgot Him, Himself.
Who is this abhorrent creature and why is she walking in my shoes?!
The world seems to think that Pride is okay; it even classifies it as a "virtue". If you could only see what I was just pummeled with: how Pride really is abhorrent to God, and thankfully, now to myself, you'd let go of it too.
I pray that we would stop beefing up our own importance and finally realize how small we are before God, and that the only reason we had been forgiven and given tasks to fulfill is because God is loving and merciful.
No comments:
Post a Comment