Update: What's Up With Me?

Hi. If you're wondering how I am, and you're stalking my blog because you've read it before and you like the way I blabber, well, here's what's going on with me.

1) I got let go from the Internet Marketing company I worked for because I had moved houses and locations and I got Internet Connection only well into the week.

2) That same Internet Marketing company I worked for re-hired me on Friday. With a massive raise. Whoa.

3) I did not go on to the Worship Team, because my leader felt that I should work on my heart issues more closely: letting go of the hatred I had for those who had hurt me, healing from the consequences of the lethal sins I had committed.

I submitted myself to my leader's decision.

4) I am on a fast from my fiance because I had missed God severely and I hate that 8 hours of my life is consumed by work.

5) I realized that I had been using things, animals, tasks, events, things of God, and people/relationships, to fill the void that only God can fill.

6) I realize that I have a deep-seated hatred for those who do not understand me and the things I care about.

7) I realize that I have to get over #6 by learning to love these people, no matter what.

8) I tried to train a cat last night. I failed. It had harmed my focus. Now I'm scared to time in for fear that my boss may get mad at me. Heheh. :p

9) I think I'm throwing the biggest tantrum of my life right now. And I didn't even have coffee. We-ell. I did have coke. But why was tantrum going on since yesterday?! Something's going on in my heart, apparently.

10) I wish the world would understand how much it needs God. I wish individuals would understand how much God should be consulted when they make life-changing decisions like marriage. Some of the biggest carnage on earth could be avoided when parents understand that their children belong to the Lord and He will use them however He will, even if they do not understand what they had gone through, are going through, and will go through.


I wish I am not throwing this major tantrum against God right now. But as it is, I'll just be duking it out with Him.

It's like Jacob when God broke his hip. Today, He's just breaking my will.

Just as I had tried to break my cat's willfulness.

I hate that I love Him but I could not understand His ways. :p

I wish that this walk were more comfortable, but then God is not after our own comfort. He is always after our character.

So whatever.

Whatever some people expected of me, it won't happen. I won't be someone famous in this life. Maybe I'll never be rich. Maybe some of my dreams would never come true.

But all I know is, God formed me. God called me from this inane system of thinking we call "life". God loves me, and He spoils me, in ways most people don't understand or know how.

If there's only one thing I can take away from this illusion we call life, it would be that God loves me and He would keep loving me throughout eternity. :p


And for that...


I am thankful.